ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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