I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
