If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
