Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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