Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
