White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
