I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
