So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
