Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
