I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
