His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I wish you could order shots online.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Randomize
