Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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