Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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