I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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