I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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