WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
