: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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