Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
