Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
