He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
