I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
