Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
