i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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