my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I supernannyed him into submission
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
