just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize