lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
