i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
honey bunches of taint.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
