what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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