Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
