he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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