I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
