He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
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