They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
