You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
