Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Randomize
