Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
