At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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