I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
