My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
