To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
