we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
