did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
