im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
