you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
