dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
