the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
