Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
