Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
