the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
You need Xanax blowdarts
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
