so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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