I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
