Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Why is there bacon in the couch?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
