Dude my mom stole all your condoms
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
