I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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