Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Randomize
