You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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