so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
