Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
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