We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
