It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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