girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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