I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
