Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I didn't notice because vodka
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
