I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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