hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
