I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
time to smoke my breakfast
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
