3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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