it wasn't lemon gatorade
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
