pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
