Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
