FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize