My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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