you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
