About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
