Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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