I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
