i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
