We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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