What a fucking waste of an outfit
I can tuck mytits in my pants
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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