kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
