my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
