i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
