I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
