he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Randomize
