i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Randomize
