I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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