I'm so fucking centered right now
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize