she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
