what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
