it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
