escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
