just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
