We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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