Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
