I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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