Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
