The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Couch. On fire.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Randomize
