and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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