it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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