Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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