At least make sure they are 18
Why
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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