I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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