i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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