guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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