she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
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