Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
