Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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