It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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