I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
