Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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