The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
i want to swaddle you in tequila
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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