i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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