Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
