i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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